The Lovers as Feelings in Love & Relationships (Upright & Reversed)

When The Lovers shows how someone feels about you, it means they’re strongly attracted to you, they know it, and they’re close to deciding what to do about it. Upright, they feel a deep pull that rests on shared values, and they see you as the person they would choose. Reversed, the attraction is usually still there, but doubt, guilt, a rival option or fear of commitment stops them from acting on it.

Quick Answer: What They Feel and What It Means for You

The Lovers is a Major Arcana card. In a feelings position it describes something that matters to the person, not a passing mood. Two things come with it: a feeling and a decision. Someone who feels The Lovers about you is weighing you up, even if the weighing is almost finished.

Position	What they feel	What it usually means for you	How it tends to show up
Upright	Deep attraction, shared values, a sense of “this is who I pick”	They see you as a real option, not a distraction	Personal conversations, real plans, honesty about what they want
Reversed	Attraction mixed with doubt, guilt or a competing option	The feeling is real, but they can’t commit to it yet	Mixed signals, hot and cold contact, avoiding the “what are we” talk

Read the card as three statements stacked together:

1. They feel a pull that goes beyond attraction. It touches their values and their picture of the future.
2. They know there is a choice to make. It might be you or someone else, you or staying single, you or their comfort zone.
3. They want to be known. The Lovers describes a wish for honesty and closeness. It does not describe a casual arrangement.

Why The Lovers Is About Choosing, Not Only Loving

The Lovers has always held two meanings at once: union and choice. You need both to read it as feelings, and they come from two different pictures of the card.

The Rider-Waite-Smith image: Eden before the fall

Most readers know the version Pamela Colman Smith drew under A. E. Waite’s direction for the deck Rider published in 1909. A naked man and woman stand in a garden beneath a great winged angel. In Waite’s own words from The Pictorial Key to the Tarot, the Tree of Life stands behind the man “bearing twelve fruits”, and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil stands behind the woman with a serpent twining round it.

Waite called it “in all simplicity the card of human love”. He wrote that his design replaced “the old card of marriage” and “the later follies which depicted man between vice and virtue.”

The Marseille image: a man at a fork

The older Tarot de Marseille card is titled L’Amoureux, the lover, in the singular. It shows a young man between two women while Cupid aims an arrow from above. Nineteenth-century French occultists, including Eliphas Levi, Papus and Oswald Wirth, read it as a man choosing between virtue and vice. Commentators often link the scene to the classical story of the choice of Hercules.

That second picture explains why the card reads as a decision. The person on your mind isn’t simply drifting toward you. Part of them is asking, “Do I go for this?”

What Waite said the card means

Waite’s divinatory meanings in The Pictorial Key to the Tarot are short:

• Upright: “Attraction, love, beauty, trials overcome.”
• Reversed: “Failure, foolish designs.” He adds that another account “speaks of marriage frustrated and contrarieties of all kinds.”

“Trials overcome” is the easiest part to miss. Even in Waite’s upright meaning, the love has been tested. Reversed, his wording points to plans that collapse and a match that falls through, not to the absence of attraction. That matches how modern readers use the reversal for feelings: the desire exists, but the plan around it fails.

What the Imagery Says About Their Heart

Each detail of the Rider-Waite-Smith card maps onto part of the person’s emotional state.

The naked man and woman: they feel safe being seen

Waite describes the figures as suggesting “youth, virginity, innocence and love”. In a feelings reading, their nakedness stands for emotional exposure. The person isn’t performing for you.

It often shows as private things shared early, sudden seriousness when the talk turns to what they want, or the feeling that they drop their guard only around you. Someone only shows this side when they feel safe.

The angel: the connection feels good for them

Waite calls the figure above the couple only “a great winged figure with arms extended, pouring down influences”. Most later readers identify it as Raphael, the archangel linked with healing and, in the Golden Dawn tradition, with Air. For feelings, it means the person experiences the bond as healthy. They feel calmer and more like themselves around you, and they notice it.

The serpent and the Tree of Knowledge: choosing you costs something

The serpent behind the woman is where the card stops being purely sweet. It stands for temptation and for the knowledge that comes from making a choice. The person knows that choosing you means giving something up: freedom, a rival, an old relationship or the life they had planned.

The Tree of Life: the desire is physical

Waite gave the man’s tree twelve fruits, and Smith drew them as flames. Many readers link the twelve to the signs of the zodiac. In feelings terms the message is simple: the attraction is real and physical. The Lovers is not a chaste card.

The mountain and the sun: clear attraction, real effort

A single peak rises between the figures. It stands for the effort any serious relationship takes, and the person is weighing whether to climb it. The sun above shows clarity. They aren’t confused about whether they like you. Any hesitation is about the decision.

Gemini, Air and the Sword of Zayin: Why Their Feelings Come With a Choice

The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn assigned The Lovers to Gemini, an Air sign ruled by Mercury. It also gave the card the Hebrew letter Zayin and placed it on the 17th path of the Tree of Life, between Binah and Tiphareth. The Golden Dawn’s esoteric title for the card is “The Children of the Voice; the Oracle of the Mighty Gods.”

Each attribution adds something to a feelings reading:

• Gemini, the twins. Duality is built in: two options, two voices, two possible futures. Their feelings for you sit alongside an internal debate.
• Air. Air is the element of thought. Someone shown by The Lovers doesn’t just feel. They think about what they feel and often need to put it into words before it seems real.
• Mercury. Mercury rules messages, so this card often comes before a conversation: texts that get more personal, a call that runs long, or a direct “what are we?”
• Zayin, the sword. The letter is usually glossed as “sword”. A decision cuts one path off so another can be taken, and that is exactly what this person feels pressure to do.

The downside of Air is that it can be fickle and stay in the head. Feelings described by The Lovers need action to back them up, so watch what the person does after the big talk.

Number Six: Harmony and Responsibility

Card VI carries the number six, which traditionally stands for balance, care and obligation. The Minor Arcana sixes show giving and receiving (Six of Pentacles), shared memories (Six of Cups), moving toward calmer water (Six of Swords) and recognition (Six of Wands). What they share is give and take.

For feelings, six tells you the person is thinking about you as well as themselves. They are considering what you need and what they would owe you if they stepped forward. That sense of responsibility is why The Lovers appears when someone is deciding whether to commit, not just whether to flirt.

The Lovers Upright as Feelings

Upright, the feeling is intense, specific and personal. They aren’t attracted to the idea of a relationship. They’re attracted to you, and in their mind you have moved from “someone I like” to “the person I’m choosing.”

Signs that usually come with the upright card:

• A strong physical and emotional pull. You’re on their mind when they’re supposed to be working.
• Shared values. They feel you want similar things from life, or that your differences fit together instead of clashing.
• A decision made or nearly made in your favour.
• Feeling seen. They can be themselves with you, and that’s a large part of why they want you.

One caution. The upright card doesn’t promise they have acted on any of this. A strong feeling and a confession are different things. Someone can feel The Lovers about you for months and still send nothing but memes. The card shows what is happening inside them, not whether they have the nerve or the circumstances to show it.

For a crush

For a crush, this is one of the best cards you can pull. The attraction is mutual, and they already think of you as more than a passing interest. They’re probably wondering whether you feel the same and working out how to find out. They may be comparing you with someone else, or with the safety of staying uninvolved, but they lean your way.

Next step: make it easy for them to act. Air energy responds to conversation, so a direct, light invitation (“Dinner this week, just us?”) lets them act on what they already feel.

For someone new or early dating

Early on, upright Lovers means they see you as a serious possibility, not one of several matches they’re keeping warm. Expect them to make room for you: concrete plans, introductions to friends, and questions that go past small talk.

Next step: match their openness and say what you’re looking for early. A relationship under The Lovers does well when both people state their values, so talk about where you want to be in six months, not only this weekend.

In a situationship

This is where the card earns its place, because The Lovers is about defining things. Upright, the other person feels more for you than the arrangement admits. In their mind you’ve moved from “whatever this is” to someone they want. The feeling has crossed into wanting something real, even if they haven’t said it.

Next step: ask the defining question once, calmly. Upright Lovers suggests they’re closer to answering it than they let on.

In a long-term relationship or marriage

For a partner of many years, upright Lovers is a quiet but meaningful result: they’re choosing you again. Long relationships run on habit as much as feeling, and this card says the feeling is still there under the habit. It often turns up after a rough patch, when a partner has looked at the alternatives, even only in their head, and picked you again.

It can also show that they want to talk seriously about the next stage, such as moving, children, money or recommitment. If things have been rocky, upright Lovers means they want to repair the relationship, not leave it.

Next step: make space for the conversation they keep circling. Ask directly how they feel about where things are heading.

From an ex

An ex shown by upright Lovers hasn’t emotionally filed you away. The bond still matters to them, and they may be weighing a return. Strong feelings aren’t the same as being ready to reconcile, though. The serpent and the mountain say they still see the problems that caused the split.

Next step: if you’re in no contact, don’t break it on the strength of one card. Pull a clarifier for “what action should I take” first. If you’re already in touch, a calm talk about what each of you has learned usually shows whether the feeling has a future.

In a long-distance relationship

The person feels the connection is solid despite the miles and thinks you’re worth the effort. Because Mercury rules the card, talking holds the relationship together. They feel closest to you when you talk openly. In this reading, the mountain is the distance itself. They’re willing to climb it, but they want a plan with dates.

For a friend or colleague

The Lovers isn’t always romantic. For a friend, it describes deep loyalty, shared core values and trust with the unfiltered version of them. Sometimes it signals a friend’s feelings turning romantic, especially next to the Ace of Cups or the Knight of Cups. On its own, read it first as close friendship and a choice to put you first.

For a colleague or business partner, it means shared goals and mutual respect, and possibly a pending decision about making the partnership formal.

The Lovers as How Someone Sees You

As “how someone sees you”, The Lovers says they see you as an equal and a match for their values. They see you as someone they could be completely honest with and the person they would pick from the options in front of them. This is a different question from “how do they feel”, and the card answers it well, because its whole image is two people facing each other as equals.

Upright, they see you as:

• A partner, not a pastime. You fit their picture of a future.
• Someone safe to be open with. They feel they don’t have to perform around you.
• Desirable and good for them. The angel and the flaming tree together suggest attraction they also respect.

Reversed, their picture of you is distorted. They may idealize you and fall for a version of you that doesn’t quite exist. They may see you as a complication that threatens their current life, or as a temptation they think they should resist. Either way, the image they hold is shaped by their own conflict more than by who you are.

The Lovers Reversed as Feelings

Reversed, the attraction rarely disappears. What changes is the state of the decision. The card describes a feeling that is being resisted, hidden or mishandled, and that isn’t indifference. Indifference looks more like the Four of Cups, and the cold, shut-out feeling of rejection looks more like the Five of Pentacles.

The most common reversed patterns:

• They want you but feel they shouldn’t. Desire clashes with a current partner, a friendship they don’t want to risk, family expectations or a promise they made to themselves after the last breakup.
• They’re torn between two people. The Marseille image comes back here. You may be one of two options, and they truly don’t know which way to go.
• The connection feels unbalanced. They sense one of you is more invested, and it unsettles them more than it flatters them.
• They’re avoiding the decision. Some people respond to a hard choice by refusing to make it. If they’ve gone quiet, they’re more likely stalling than no longer caring.
• There’s a values clash. They like you, maybe a lot, but something about how you live or what you want doesn’t fit their picture of their own life. It can be as big as children or religion, or as small as how you each handle money.

For a crush

Expect mixed signals: warm one week, cold the next. They may be comparing you with someone else or be scared by how strongly they feel. Fear of being vulnerable is common here. The nakedness of the upright card becomes something they want to avoid, so they keep things on the surface.

Next step: don’t chase. State your interest once and plainly, then step back and let them choose. If they can’t decide within a reasonable time, that is your answer.

For someone new

In early dating, reversed Lovers usually means they like you but are still comparing. They may still be on the apps, or recently out of something and unsure they’re ready. You aren’t the clear choice yet, and pushing for exclusivity before they get there tends to backfire.

In a situationship

This is the card at its most frustrating and its most honest. They’re attracted to you, they enjoy your company, and they’ve decided not to decide. Keeping things undefined lets them avoid the choice the card is about. If you’ve been waiting for them to “figure it out”, the reversal says the figuring is the problem, not a step toward a solution.

From an ex

Reversed Lovers from an ex points to unresolved conflict. They may still think about you, but the feeling is tangled with pride, resentment, guilt or the memory of why it ended. A reconciliation attempted now tends to recreate the original problem. Sometimes the card simply shows the feelings are no longer mutual: they’ve moved on, and the card is showing the imbalance, not a secret longing.

Next step: treat this as permission to close the chapter. If you need an answer, ask the deck “What do I need to know to heal from this?” The Lovers reversed rarely rewards waiting.

In a long-term relationship

Between committed partners, reversed Lovers means one of you feels out of step. It doesn’t automatically mean an affair. More often your partner is questioning whether the life you’ve built matches who they have become, and they may feel guilty about feeling distant. In its sharpest form it hints at temptation outside the relationship. That reading needs support from other cards, such as the Three of Swords or the Seven of Swords, before you act on it.

Next step: be specific. A vague “we need to communicate better” talk rarely fixes a reversed Lovers. Ask which decision they feel stuck on and whether they still see the same future you do.

Fear of commitment and fighting their feelings

This is the reversal most people recognize once it’s named. The person feels more than they want to. They avoid defining the relationship, keep other options open, or pull back just as things start to deepen. Gemini’s duality turns into indecision, and Mercury’s gift for talking turns into avoidance.

The fear usually comes from one of three places: losing independence, repeating a past hurt, or letting you down by committing and then failing to follow through. To them, the mountain looks too steep.

Next step: name the pattern without blaming them. “I notice you pull back when things get close. I’d rather talk about it than guess.” Some people need to hear that vulnerability is welcome before they can offer it. Others will confirm they’re not ready, which saves you months.

Upright vs Reversed by Situation

Situation	Upright: what they feel	Reversed: what they feel	Best next step
Crush	Mutual attraction, already thinking of you as more than a crush	Likes you but runs hot and cold, afraid of how much they feel	Upright: invite them. Reversed: state your interest once, then step back
Someone new	Sees you as a serious prospect, making room for you	Still comparing, possibly not ready	Upright: share expectations. Reversed: hold off on pushing for exclusivity
Situationship	Wants more than the arrangement admits	Enjoys you but has decided not to decide	Ask the defining question once and act on the answer
Long-term partner	Choosing you again, wants honesty and a next stage	Feels out of step with the life you share, stuck on a decision	Ask which future they picture and what they feel stuck on
Ex	Connection unfinished, weighing a return	Thinks of you, but pride or old conflict blocks contact	Upright: clarify before reaching out. Reversed: focus on healing
Friend	Deep loyalty, possibly growing romance	Values drifting apart, or hiding a shift in feeling	Notice actions before assuming romance

Cards That Change the Meaning

The cards next to The Lovers change its meaning a lot. Read the pair together, not one after the other.

Neighbouring card	How it changes their feelings
Two of Cups	Confirmation. The feeling is both easy and important
Ten of Cups or Four of Wands	They picture a home, family or lasting commitment with you
Ace of Wands	The feeling is new, hot and energizing, and pushing them to act
The Emperor	Serious and protective. They want to build something stable and are thinking practically
The Hierophant	They want to make it official: commitment, ceremony, family approval
Eight of Wands	Things are about to speed up. A pending decision will likely be made soon
The Hermit	They need time alone to work out what they feel. Pushing won’t help
The Devil	The pull feels obsessive or guilty. Reversed Lovers beside it suggests they know it’s unhealthy and are resisting
Three of Swords	Choosing you would hurt someone else, and they know it
Seven of Swords	They feel the pull but aren’t being straight with you about it or about someone else
The Moon	Confusion or illusion. They may be seeing a projection of you, not you
Five of Cups	Their doubt is tied to a specific past hurt that was never resolved
Death	With reversed Lovers for an ex, they’ve accepted the ending, however warm the leftover feeling

If you pulled a single card and want more clarity, try a two-card follow-up: “What draws them to me?” and “What holds them back?” The Lovers tends to answer the first question, so the second card does most of the work.

The Lovers vs Other Love Cards as Feelings

People often confuse The Lovers with the gentler love cards. The difference comes down to weight. The Lovers is the only one in this group that marks a turning point in someone’s life.

Card	What they feel	How it differs from The Lovers
The Lovers	Values-based love and desire, with a conscious choice to make	Carries a decision and a challenge; the most serious of the group
Two of Cups	Warm, balanced, mutual liking between equals	Low stakes, no crossroads; “I really like you”
Page of Cups	Shy, hopeful, playful interest	Tentative; may not be voiced at all
Ten of Cups	Contentment, family, lasting harmony	Describes a settled state, not a choice
The Hierophant	Wish for a traditional, committed bond	About formalizing a choice already made

Think of the Two of Cups as “I really like you” and The Lovers as “I think you might be it, and that scares me a little.” If you pull The Lovers without the Two of Cups, the attraction may be intense but not yet comfortable. If you pull the Two of Cups without The Lovers, the connection is sweet, but the person doesn’t yet see it as life-changing.

Reading The Lovers by the Question You Asked

How you word the question changes the answer. The same card reads differently depending on what you actually asked.

• “How do they feel about me?” Upright: attraction and a lean toward you. Reversed: attraction with conflict.
• “How do they see me?” Upright: as an equal and the person they would pick. Reversed: through a lens of guilt, idealization or complication.
• “What do they want from me?” Upright: a real relationship, not a fling. Reversed: the feeling without the responsibility of choosing.
• “How do they feel about our future?” Upright: hopeful and ready to commit. Reversed: they can see a future with you, and also one without you, and that second picture won’t go away.
• “Will they choose me?” This is the question the card is built for. Upright is the closest the deck gets to yes. Reversed means “not yet” far more often than “no.”
• “Do they regret what happened?” Upright: they regret losing the connection. Reversed: they regret a choice they made, which may not be the choice to leave you. Pull a clarifier.

Is The Lovers a Yes or No? Are They Ready to Commit?

Upright, The Lovers is a yes for love questions, on the condition that someone, usually them, acts on the choice. “Do they like me?” Yes. “Will they choose me?” Yes, if they act on what they feel. Along with the Four of Wands, the Ten of Cups and The Hierophant, it’s one of the clearest commitment signals in the deck.

Reversed, it means “not now”. That isn’t a hostile no. It comes from indecision or a mismatch. They may want to want commitment, but something unresolved holds them back, and commitment offered under a reversed Lovers tends to be half-hearted or short-lived. For “will my ex come back”, the reversal is a no for the foreseeable future.

Reading This Card for Yourself

The Lovers has one particular trap. It’s the card people most want to see, so it’s the card they most often read too generously.

If you pull it reversed and think, “Well, the attraction is still there, so that’s basically good,” slow down. The card says the person hasn’t chosen you. That may change, or it may not. Attraction without a decision can last for years, and plenty of people have spent those years waiting for a reversed Lovers to turn upright on its own.

Don’t treat the upright card as a guarantee either. It describes how they feel when you do the reading. Feelings change, and the card says nothing about whether they have the courage or the circumstances to act.

What to Do After Pulling The Lovers

1. Check the position. The Lovers in “their feelings” isn’t the same as The Lovers in “outcome”. A feelings card describes where their heart is today, not what will happen.
2. Read the neighbours. With the Two of Cups or Ten of Cups, it’s a strong green light. With the Seven of Swords, The Moon or the Five of Cups, the choice is messier than it looks.
3. Pull one clarifier, not five. Ask “What are they choosing between?” or “What blocks their decision?” Pulling again and again on the same question muddies the reading.
4. Act in the card’s language. Air and Mercury reward conversation. Upright, a direct and warm talk usually moves things forward. Reversed, one clear statement of where you stand, followed by patience, works better than pressure.
5. Set your own timeline. The Lovers describes a decision in progress. Decide how long you’re willing to wait for it, and hold to that.

Upright, they lean your way. Reversed, they’re stuck at the fork. Either way, the most useful next step is a conversation, not another reading.

FAQ

Does The Lovers as feelings mean they are in love with me?

It means the attraction is strong and they see you as a serious partner prospect, at the point where liking turns into wanting. Many readers would call that love or its clear beginning. Whether it deepens depends on what they do with the choice the card describes, so give them room to say it in their own words.

What does The Lovers reversed mean as feelings for someone?

They feel something real but are resisting it. They may be split between options, held back by guilt or fear of commitment, or sensing a values mismatch. It isn’t indifference. Read the cards around it to find what is blocking them, and be honest with yourself about how long you’ll wait.

What does The Lovers mean as how someone sees you?

Upright, they see you as an equal, a match for their values and someone they can be fully honest with. Reversed, their view of you is clouded: they may idealize you, see you as a temptation, or see you as a complication in their current life.

Can The Lovers mean they are choosing between me and someone else?

Yes, and it’s one of the card’s oldest meanings. The Marseille version shows a young man standing between two women while Cupid takes aim. Upright, the choice has often already gone your way. Reversed, a rival or alternative is more likely, so pull a clarifier asking what the two options are before assuming the worst.

What does The Lovers mean for an ex’s feelings?

Upright, the bond still matters to them and the question of you feels unfinished, though that doesn’t guarantee a return. Reversed, they think of you but pride, resentment or the memory of why it ended stops them, and a reconciliation is unlikely to hold.

What is the difference between The Lovers and the Two of Cups as feelings?

The Two of Cups describes warm, balanced, mutual liking that feels easy and low-stakes. The Lovers describes attraction the person feels could change their life, and it comes with a decision. Pulled together, they confirm the feeling is both comfortable and serious.

How long do The Lovers feelings last?

The card describes a current state, not a timeline. Upright feelings tend to be stable because a decision comes with them. Reversed feelings can drag on for months or years if the person refuses to choose, so set your own limit instead of waiting for the card to turn upright.